Ringing Bells
by SonyaShulen
Summary: She was walking pass a clock tower...when it tolled 6pm and she recalled a painful memory. A memory she never wanted to remember, ever.
1. Chapter 1

**RINGING BELLS**

**Disclaimer : I don't own anything. And I will probably NEVER own it, ever~**

She was walking pass a clock tower...when it tolled 6pm and she recalled a painful memory. A memory she never wanted to remember, ever.

"_I love you...but I can't be with you. Sorry.." a handsome raven-haired boy said to the girl._

"_Why? If we love each other, why can't we be together? Natsume, I love you!" Mikan held his hand and said._

"_No" he shrugged her hand off. "I'm already engaged to..someone else". Natsume told her slowly._

"_What?" her knees began trembling. _

_The clock tower tolled at was pointing at 6 o'clock._

"_I'm engaged..to someone else."he repeated._

"_Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why must you tell me now, when we love each other deeply..like this? Why now, Natsume? Tell me!" she pleaded._

"_I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't expect my father to call me to America to meet my fiancée. I thought, my engagement was over, and I could be with you. But..it wasn't. I'm sorry."he apologized._

"_So..you're taken then. We can NEVER be together."she emphasized on the word never._

"_No..I'm sorry. I..I have to leave for America now. Goodbye."he apologized again and stepped forward, wanting to hug her for one last time, but she drew herself back._

"_Don't come anywhere near me anymore. Don't ever come back, please. If you really mean your sorries, please don't hurt me anymore, promise me."she pleaded._

"_I promise. Goodbye". He said and turned his back to her, and left her there. In the cold, wet weather._

'Exactly at this time and this date. He left me. Just that, it was raining. He will never return to me again. He never came back after 2 years. Probably because I told him to stay away from me. But why can't I forget him? Why can't I forget the love we had?


	2. Chapter 2

**RINGING BELLS**

**Disclaimer : I don't own anything. And I will probably NEVER own it, ever~**

**This will be written in Mikan's POV.**

I was walking into my classroom. Still sitting on the same spot, beside me was an empty seat. The seat belongs to..to _him_. I held back her tears. On her right, I heard some discussion for the gossip girls.

"Did you hear? He's coming back."a girl said.

"Who's he?" another girl asked.

"Natsume Hyuu-" then the girl turned towards me and quickly start another topic.

So he's coming back? After 2 years? I..I can't face him. What should I do? At the same time, Mr Narumi came into the class.

"Good morning students. There'll be a new student and an old student coming to this class!" everyone clapped their hands except me.

"Come in, guys." He talked towards the door and through the door...was.._him_.. and another girl. She was really beautiful. That's probably his fiancée.

"Natsume Hyuuga, everyone should know him. And Yui Hizawaki. They are together and sweetly happy. Treat them nicely. And now for your seats. Natsume, you can have back your old seat and Yui, you can sit at-" I stood up and cut off Mr Narumi.

"Narumi sensei, let them sit together. I can sit beside Nobara" I walked towards her new seat. The entire time, I was there, he never turned to look into my eyes. Not that I want that to happen. But I really hope that he remembers about our relationship before this. But it's better if it remains a secret.

Natsume and Yui both sat at my previous seat. Mr Narumi went out of the classroom and the whole class was in chaos again. I got up my seat and went out. Hotaru caught up with me, "You're sad." It was a statement. I just nodded.

"I can't do anything to change the past." Mikan said. "I want to go somewhere. Please don't follow me, Hotaru" I motioned her to go back to the classroom.

I sat under the cherry blossom tree. Smelling the cool air. When she heard footsteps, I opened her eyes to find that _he _was standing in front of me.

"You're still angry? After....2 years?" Natsume asked me. His voice..had then acid tone in it. The voice of when, I first met him. The arrogant tone. Not the sweet tone he had for me..when we got together.

"..." I couldn't reply him. I didn't want to say yes and didn't want to lie either.

"He squat down and stared into my eyes. He took my hands which I tried to pull away but failed. "I'm sorry if I really hurt you. I'm hurt myself. I love you yet I-" a slap was given by me. I couldn't stand it when he said that he loves me but he's with another woman.

"How can you say that, when you're with Yui? Aren't you afraid that she would tell your father?" I spat.

"I.."he was dumbfounded.

"You don't have to say anything. Just leave me alone. Please. That's all I want. You even promised me that." I told him sternly.

"We can always..be in love..secretly." Natsume said. I was shocked to hear that. But I know that's an insane request. I couldn't.

"Are you insane?" She faked a laugh. "That's the last thing I would do. Since you're not leaving, I'll leave then." Mikan said and quickly got up and ran. Her hand got caught my Natsume and he dragged her down to him and hugged her back.

"Don't leave me. I'm lonely." Natsume told her.

I couldn't stand it anymore. My tears spilled and I turned to face him. Holding his face between both my palms and pulled him closer to me. Our lips met and they kissed each other tenderly. How much I missed his kiss? A lot. That's the answer. I really love him.

Someone at the back of us gasp. We stopped kissing and turned to my back and saw Yui standing there with her hands over her mouth.

END CHAPTER


	3. Chapter 3

**RINGING BELLS**

**Disclaimer : I don't own anything. And I will probably NEVER own it, ever~**

**This will be written in Mikan's POV.**

Yui took her hands away from her face and went towards Natsume and hugged him on the waist.

"You found her, Natsume." Yui chimed. Her voice was so angelic unlike mine but wasn't she angry? She sounds as if, she's normal..as if nothing happened.

"Yui, I-" I started but then both my hands were captured by Yui's and Yui was staring at me.

"Thank you so much for allowing me to sit with Natsume." Yui thanked me with sincerity. It made me feel bad for what we did earlier. "It seems that Natsume thanked you already, earlier. So now it's my turn."

"Hu-" I was lost and was suddenly kissed on the lips by Yui. It was just a slight peck.

"That's how my family show our gratitude to people in America. I really appreciate your help. May I know your name? I really want to be friends with you. My name is Yui Hizawaki. I'm sure you heard that during class just now." Yui giggled.

"Oh. I'm Mikan Sakura. Glad to be friends with you." I tried to fix a smile. But I wasn't really sure whether I succeeded.

"Library lessons are nearly over. We should get back to class. Wouldn't want to get caught loitering around school, do we? Especially when we're new." Yui went back towards Natsume and held his hand and another around his waist and kissed him. The kiss, of course, was really passionate and deep. It's not like the kiss, she said..was a gratitude kiss. I looked away-to the ground, feeling a sharp thing piercing through my heart. "Let's go!" Yui dragged the all of us. I saw him staring at my back, but I couldn't look back at him.

Back in class, I quickly went to sit beside Hotaru before he comes up to me. From now, I will ignore him. I'll only talk to him if it's an important matter like a class project. But other than that, I will never talk to him, will never look at him in the eye.

•◘○◙ ►◄↕‼¶§▬↨↑↓→←∟↔▲▼

A few days had passed. Probably a few weeks to. I was still ignoring him, until he manage to catch me alone, near my room.

"Mikan." he caught up with me and got hold of my hand.

I tried to shake it off but his grip was too strong. "What do you want? Let go of my hand!" I tried to release my hand once again but failed. I decided to just give up.

"No. I'm sorry. But you've been ignoring me. And it hurts." Natsume said to me, he looked into my eyes but I looked away. I don't wish to drown in his agonizing crimson orbs.

"Hurt? What can I do about that? You shouldn't be telling me you're hurt. You have your fiancée a few rooms away at room 513. You can go ahead and tell her that you're hurt." I said. A hint of sarcasm in my voice but Natsume didn't catch it.

"You know exactly what I mean. I love y-" he started. But I couldn't afford to listen to that phrase again.

"SHUT UP!" I shouted at him. It wasn't loud enough to get the other students out of their room yet. But loud enough for him to hear and know I mean it.

"YOU KISSED ME BACK!" he shouted. His voice went back soft when he asked me "Did I really hurt you that much?" His grip loosening on my hands but I left it there. I missed his warm hands around me. But I can't for too much.

"You hurt me more than you think. You struck me right in my heart, Natsume. My heart didn't heal. It never did. The hole in my heart, is still right there, and nothing can mend it. Your return only made the hole bigger. I had always asked myself, whether it was the right choice to befriend you and to be in love with you. All the answers pointed to one answer, which is No. But when I tell myself, I don't love you, it hurts me as well." I told him. Does words just came out of my mouth.

"I know it does." He tried to hug me, but I put my hands to his chest and pushed him away.

"You have no idea how it feels to me. When I saw you and your fiancée kiss with full of passion, I was..I was..jealous? Angry? I don't know. All I know was, more arrows was pierced through me and it made the hole in my heart bigger. More painful. It's like..a cancer sickness. It spreads. I always wanted to fall on my knees, but I had to be strong. And one more thing I noticed was, when you kissed me that day, it was ..a gratitude kiss. Nothing much. Even Yui noticed that. So please, I beg of you, leave me alone." I tried holding back my tears, but they betrayed me and started pouring over my cheeks.

His fingers wanted to wipe them off. But I quickly shove it away and got my hands out of his and ran into my room, shutting the door loudly in front of his face and locking every single locks there. I ran straight to my bed and cried there. Pounding the headboard until my fist hurt. I felt hurt, I felt betrayed and I felt tired. I felt tired for loving him so long, but he couldn't return it with the truth.

I want to feel his warm body around me again, exactly like how it felt before 2 years ago. I missed the day he confessed to me that he loved me since Elementary. Those days were my rarest treasure.

He was so cute then, running all over the school just to find me so he could confessed. I giggled and more tears was spilled.

[**FLASHBACK**]

"_*Huff Huff*..Mikan." He held my shoulders. He seemed to be out of breathe._

"_Are you alright? You look really exhausted. Let's find a bench to sit on so you could rest." I looked everywhere for a place to sit, but no bench was available at this park._

"_No need. *Huff*.." he took in some air and he relaxed. "I just want, to tell you something..important." he blushed when he said that and looked away._

_I being the dense girl, of course didn't know what, so I asked him. "What is it?"_

"_I-I have a crush on you. And I think, I fell in love with you too. Would you be my girlfriend?" Natsume told me. He was full of sincerity. None of his face showed his poker face. His face showed love. But at that age, I wasn't very sure what was the meaning of love, except for boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife. _

_Then I just answered him, "Yes." I smiled at him. Some people would have called me stupid or idiot for answering so instant and didn't ask him to let me think about it. But our relationship got deeper and we started going out and kissing when we were teenagers. I loved him and I knew he loved me._

_Once, when we were sitting under the Cherry Blossom tree, he gave me a gift. It was a pendant, my name and his carved there, 'Natsume and Mikan. Our love remains forever and eternity.'_

"_Thank you so much, Natsume. I love you!" I dived in for his lips and kissed him fully. I loved him so much. My first love, my first kiss, my first boyfriend. I love him and shy to admit that, I'm crazy for him too._

_[**END FLASHBACK**]_

Thinking about the pendant, Mikan went to her jewelery case and search for the pendant. She ruffled through a few pendants and found it. She held it at her palm and put it around her neck. It looks...beautiful. But she knew, she wasn't the right owner for it. Her name was there, but she's not the right person to have it.

The next day, after school, she silently put the pendant into an envelope and slid it under his room door. She knows that, this is the right thing to do. She needs to get rid of everything that he gave her, including his love for her need to be gotten rid off. She went back to her room and cried in a corner. She really missed him. Seeing him everyday, it's not easy to ignore.

The next morning, during library lessons, he pulled me out, again.

"Why did you return this?" he asked me, he pulled out an envelope and took out the pendant inside.

"It's for the best." I just answered.

"This was just a gift. Even though we're not together, you don't have to return it." he said.

"It's inappropriate. Friends do not give his friend a love message pendant." I told the truth. "Besides, you know why I'm doing this."

"You don't have to hurt yourself so much like this. I told you, we could love each other secretly. As long Yui doesn't notice, it's alright. I'll figure out a way to allow us to elope...together." he trailed of at the end.

"And I told you, it was an insane idea. What would Yui think? Her friend backstabbing her and running away with her fiancé? You're very selfish. Don't you know how she would feel?" Mikan asked him.

"I don't. Exactly. You told me, that I don't understand about you." he said.

"I'm not talking about me! I'm talking about Yui." Mikan said when she understood his answer.

"I don't give a damn about Yui!" Natsume said and Mikan was dumbfounded. "I only love you! Among all people, I thought you would know that! I only love you. Only you. No one else. No other girls could reach my heart. My soul. You were the only girl that didn't fall for me besides Yui, but that was because I was engage to her before I even know about it. You were the only girl that didn't drool over my body for the way I look. Instead, you were angry because I was attracting all the girls in school. All I want is to hold you tight and be with you." Natsume confessed. Just that, this confession sounded like the real one to my ears. But I can't accept it.

"Why don't you tell that to Yui?" I said softly. "She's everything I am, just prettier, smarter and nicer. The perfect match." my voice got softer at the end. But he heard it.

"No one else is the perfect match for me, except for you." He came forward and put his arms around my waist and held me there. I couldn't push him away. My hands were too weak for that. Not because he was a guy and I'm a girl. But because my mind told me that I shouldn't, because I love him as much as he loves me.

We hugged. I didn't push him away, and he didn't break the hug. When library time was over, we went back to class, without uttering a word.

The day went on, neither one of us dared to say anything to each other. But his last words after the hug, he whispered into my ear, "I love you. And I will never hurt you again. I'm sorry."

Whether it's the right thing, or not, I don't really know. I feel..as if..it's a wrong thing. I'm not ready to accept his apology yet. Although he sounds sincere, I can't fall for it just yet. I need time to think.

END CHAPTER

The next chapter will be written in Natsume's POV.

Sneak Peek on Chapter 3:

"Where are you going this late at night?" Yui asked me when she saw me coming out of my room.

"I just want to walk around." I answered her. Not wanting to tell her the truth.

"Natsu-" Mikan said my name but before I could allow her to finish, I pressed my lips to hers.


	4. Chapter 4

**RINGING BELLS**

**Disclaimer : I don't own anything. And I will probably NEVER own it, ever~**

**This will be written in Natsume's POV.**

Since the day I apologized to her and also confessed to her again, she has been back to the silent treatment mood. Every time I'm looking at her, she would quickly look away as if she saw a monster right in front of her eyes.

I've also been lying to Yui and I feel really bad about that. I didn't mean to lie to her, but I have to. One day, I have to confront her and tell her the truth. She's a really nice girl and I don't deserve her. If only she could find another man that can replace me and she really loves that guy.

Mikan was running out of class again. I overheard something about, she wanted to go to Central to buy some groceries. I decided to follow her.

"Hey. Wait up!" I caught up with her and grabbed her hand.

"Huh? Let go, Natsume. Yui might see." Mikan shrugged my hand off.

"Grocery shopping? Want a hand?" I offered her. Ignoring the sting feeling of her rejection to my heart.

"No. I can do it myself." It's obvious that she's trying to avoid me. She doesn't want to get hurt again if I have to leave. It's really obvious.

"I insist." I took her arm and dragged her to my car.

"NO! Stop it, Natsume!!" she shouted at me. I was shocked. She looked really angry and mad. "I'm sorry. But I really don't need your help. I know how to take the bus."she told me.

"I thought, you already forgave me? Why are you being like that?" damn my ego!

"I accept your apology. But I told you, I don't need your help for grocery shopping." she walked away.

"I told you I love yo-" she stopped suddenly.

"Please don't tell me that you love me. I'm not ready to be...with you..again...yet. Please." Mikan pleaded me.

I shook my head. "What? What's the problem with you!?"

"I have a lot of problem. That's why, we shouldn't be together," she told me off. A bus stopped by the bus stop and she quickly got in. I ran to the bus but the driver said, no more seats available.

'_DAMN!_'

Swearing didn't help me. I really love her and why can't she just accept my apology? She said she did. But she's still hurting! I don't want her hurt!

I decided to go to her the first thing tonight. To apologize again. And to tell her, that I really mean my feelings that I love her.

"Where are you going this late at night?" Yui asked me when she saw me coming out of my room.

"I just want to walk around." I answered her. Not wanting to tell her the truth.

I walked to around the park, so Yui won't be suspicious. After about 45 minutes walking, I decided to go to her room.

"What are you doing here?" she asked me.

"I need to tell you something. And I'm deadly serious about it. Please, listen to me, can you?" I nearly pleaded. But thankfully to me ego, and I could sustain my poker face.

"Get straight to the point, can you?" she told me.

"If I tell you I love you, will you accept me? If I tell you, I really meant my sorries and I really want to be with you again, will you forgive me?"

"Natsu-" Mikan said my name but before I could allow her to finish, I pressed my lips to hers.

She pushed me away again. This time, she didn't kiss me back. It was an instant reflex.

"Can you stop kissing me!? I don't think I have to talk you tonight. Good night, Natsume." she closed the door in front of my face.

That done it. I manage to piss her off, didn't I?

END CHAPTER

The next chapter will be written in Mikan's POV again.

Sneak Peek on Chapter 4:

'_Why must he love me?_' I thought to myself.

"Please." he went down on his knees and gave showed me a ring. I cried.

"I can't." I held back my tears. "Yui..is your fiancée. I'm the third party." I said and ran away.


	5. Chapter 5

**RINGING BELLS**

**Disclaimer : I don't own anything. And I will probably NEVER own it, ever~**

**This will be written in Mikan's POV.**

I have a feeling that ignoring Natsume is now a routine thing. He's really unreasonable. But still, I don't understand him. He wanted me to be away from him. He left me. And now he's back. Back to claim me. Who am I to him? A slut? A prostitute? A person he can just plead of pay to get me back with him? I could say hundreds of swear words to him, but I can't mean any of them. After all, my feelings towards him is still there. I still...do...love him.

After the night he spoke to me in front of my room, and I told him that I didn't need to talk to him that night, I cried myself to sleep. In fact, I wasn't even sure whether I slept or not. I felt so tired and Anna and Nonoko said that I had eye bags. During math period, I had trouble concentrating in class. That caused Jinno-sensei throwing a chalk towards my head.

"Miss Sakura! Wake up!" he shouted. But to my ears, it didn't even sound like, a shout.

But I kept my eyes awake, anyway. Narumi-sensei came in right after Math period and told us that we had an upcoming project for English next week. He told us to get ready our partners.

'_Who was my partner, again?_' I thought to myself.

Oh right, my partner is him, Natsume. He is my partner. What would Yui think? His fiancée already have a partner.

"Any other questions class, about the English Project?" Mr Narumi questioned.

Yui rose up her hand and asked.

"Who's my partner, sensei? Can it be Natsume?" Yui asked him.

"He's already Miss Sakura's partner. Is it okay if you pair up with Mr Agaresawa."Mr Narumi claimed.

"It's okay, sensei. I can be Hikaru's partner." I volunteered.

"Well then, if that's what you want. Goodbye now class." Mr Narumi said and left the clsas.

Oh right, I've forgotten to mention who Hikaru was. Well, he's the new student here. His full name is Hikaru Agaresawa. Absolutely gorgeous, of course. All the girls are giving him cute and seductive smiles. I personally, nearly forgotten there was a new student.

Bell rang for end of school. I was packing my books into my bag and walked out of the class. Someone shouted my name and stopped me.

"Wait!" the person asked.

I looked back and saw it was just Hikaru. I gave him a gentle smile.

"Thanks for waiting up. I just wondered whether it's okay if you walk back with me to the dorm?" Hikaru asked.

He was so polite. Unlike Natsume.

"Sure. Let's walk together." Then we started walking.

On our way back, we chatted about his life before moving to the academy. His life was pretty interesting. His family migrated to Canada and now his grandfather is the greatest shareholder of Japan. He's probably a big shot. I giggled to myself. He turned out to be a decent and nice guy. It's really easy to talk to him.

"Well then, this is my room. Bye, Hikaru." I said when I reached my room.

"Your room's beside Hyuuga's room, eh? Probably all the girls are jealous of you." he laughed. The way he laughed, is close to how an angel laugh. He has a really beautiful voice.

"Yeah, they do. But it's not as if I have any relationship with him, anyway." I admitted. Though it was s white lie at the end.

"Really? I thought both of you were together." he said. He sounded confused.

"Well, yeah. We WERE. But we broke up when he left for America two years ago."I admitted. I didn't know that he could get news so fast when he was only here for a few hours.

"Oh. Sorry to hear that. But since, you're single, mind if I start courting you?" he was so direct. I had never met a guy like this.

"Ah? I've only met you for a day. Maybe, you should give me some time." I blushed.

"You're right." he giggled to himself. "I must sound like some kind of play boy, huh? Well then, sorry. You have a lot of time to think about it. Don't make it bother you." he giggled to himself again.

"Right." I laughed together. "Anyway then, good night." I wished him.

"Good night." he put a hand behind me neck and kissed my cheeks. His lips were soft and his breath was warm on my face. And blood rushed to my face. I'm blushing really hard, I know it. I was frozen on my feet. He left his lips at my cheek there as well, till someone distracted us.

"Ahem." you guessed it right. It's Natsume.

Hikaru took his hand away from my neck and wished me good night. Before Natsume starts asking me questions, I quickly ran into my room.

I ran to my bed and took my pillow so it could absorb my tears.

'_Why must he love me?_' I thought to myself. '_Why must Natsume love me?_" I cried to sleep. My eyes were red when I woke up the next morning.

"Mikan! Your eyes are red! What did you do the entire night?" Anna asked. She sounded really worried.

"I just couldn't sleep. I think I'm having insomnia. I've been taking sleeping pills, but it doesn't work. I wonder why." I told her.

"You shouldn't simply take drugs, Mikan!" Nonoko told me. "It's bad!"

"I know. But I have to sleep."

Narumi-sensei saw my not concentrating in class and therefore, told me to go back to my dorm to get a rest before the other teachers would start scolding me for sleeping in class.

I didn't want to go back to my room. Instead, I went to walk by the academy sea side. It was really peaceful. With only the sound of the waves, the rustling of leaves and the birds chirping. I heard someone footsteps behind me. I turned towards whoever it is. And figures, it's Natsume.

"What do you want? Can you stop disturbing me?" I pleaded him.

"Please." he went down on his knees and showed me a ring. My tears wanted to spill. I held it back.

The ring was beautiful. It was simple and yet coated with diamond. I don't deserve it, I told myself. I might as well just accept Hikaru.

"No, I can't Natsu-"I started but was cut off.

"It hurt me to see that person kissing you, yesterday. Please,....Mikan. Let's..Let's elope" he said please again.

My tears couldn't be restrained anymore. It started spilling. I started crying.

"I can't." I held back my tears. "Yui..is your fiancée. I'm the third party." I said and ran away.

Why am I such an idiot? Why must I fall in love with a person that I know I can never have a happy ending with? All I wanted was someone to love me for eternity. Someone....someone that I care about. Natsume fitted in that category. But why can't I just say YES? Was it because he hurt me already? Was it because he has a fiancée? I just want, a happy ending.

END CHAPTER

Sneak Peek on Chapter 5:

"Hikaru.." I started. My words were stuck in my throat.

"Can you just ignore me? Can you just treat me like your fan girls? Ignore me, Natsume. I'm a nobody." it hurt my chest to say that. The hole in my chest...it's bigger. It feels, big. I feel...really empty.

"Is that what you really want?" he asked me.

"It's for both of our own good." I told him. I took his hand into mine and said, "Forget me, please, Natsume. Forget me. Forget that you ever loved me. Forget whatever we did together. Up till the time you left for America. Forget everything that happened before the time you returned. Forget everything. Forget Mikan Sakura, please." I pleaded. It hurt so much.


	6. Chapter 6

**RINGING BELLS**

**Disclaimer : I don't own anything. And I will probably NEVER own it, ever~**

**This will be written in Mikan's POV.**

Why can't he just give up? Why can't I give up either. We're not meant for each other, among all people, he should understand that. He's already engaged. Please, God, I really don't want to feel this pain anymore.

Tonight, was Lantern Festival. After classes, Nonoko and Anna dragged both me and Hotaru to Central Town to look at the lanterns there. There were many children, many lovers, many people.

"Mika! Mika! Come let's light up our lanterns!" a small boy said and the girl followed. Both of them had a lantern each and they were all pretty.

Somewhere around the takoyaki food stall, there was a couple sitting at the bench eating a tokoyaki. They seem really sweet, feeding each other and giggling. Hotaru saw me looking at the couple and held my shoulders. Hotaru is the only one that understands my feelings towards Natsume. I couldn't keep any secrets from her. But I'm happy that I have a shoulder to cry on.

"Mikan, don't look." she said to me and pulled me to the direction Anna and Nonoko was walking towards.

Each of us bought a lantern. We light ours up and sat at a bench and looked at it. Suddenly, I heard someone screaming, it was a familiar voice.

"AHHH!! Fire!!" Yui yelled.

I turned my head to the back to find Yui and Natsume there. Yui's lantern was on fire. Natsume went towards her and put off the fire and hugged her, whispering to her ear. I quickly looked away and told my friends that I was feeling tired and I wanted to go back to my room.

On my way to my room, I saw Hikaru standing in front of my room door with his eyes closed.

"What are you doing here, Hikaru?" I asked when he opened his eyes and saw me.

"I just wanted to know whether you got your answer. I'm not rushing you, don't get the wrong idea alright." he said innocently and smiled.

"Hikaru.." I started. My words were stuck in my throat. Then I suddenly remembered the scene that happened earlier when Natsume was hugging Yui. "I-I can try being with you, I guess." I said finally.

Hikaru came closer to me and hugged me tightly. It felt odd, being hugged by another boy other than Natsume. But I accepted the odd feeling and hugged him tighter. Suddenly, he tilt my chin up and kissed me. I closed me eyes and our lips moved in synchronization, I felt sinful, but I was hurt and I wanted to be with someone that could cheer me up.

I heard a door open. I opened my eyes and saw that HIS door just closed the moment I manage to open my eyes. It hurts. The hole, in my chest, it's huge. It...it hurts.

Hikaru broke the kiss and let go of me. "Well, I didn't do bad for my first kiss, huh?" he said and laughed.

I laughed with him even though I was just faking it. "Sadly, it's not my first though."

"It's alright. Well it's pretty late. Good night." He said and brushed his lips with mine and walked back to his room.

I walked back into my room and out the window.

'_What have I done in the past life...to be affected by this?_' I asked myself.

It was a new moon today. The sky was pitch black and nothing could be seen other than the city light buildings. A new moon... my heard is like a new moon. No matter how much the Sun want to shine brightly in the New Moon sky, it's never allowed to. No matter how much Natsume wants to apologize to me, I will never accept it. But it feels wrong. I want to be in his arms. I want his lips with mine. I want to be his.

I slept, not a very peaceful one..but I slept and woke up as usual. I was early at school and so was him. Natsume, I mean. He had fading eye bags and something told me that he didn't sleep well at all last night. So did I actually. Since it was so early and it was about an hour till class starts, I decided to go to the library.

Natsume caught up with me and held my arm. His warmth..

"Why?" he asked me without even stating a question.

"Why what?" I asked back even though I sort of knew what he wanted to ask me.

"Agaresawa" he said.

"What about Hikaru?"

"Why the heck did you kiss him!?" he shouted at me. He sounded really angry.

"Why not? He's my boyfriend." I admitted.

"What? Your boyfriend? Aren't me apologies enough?"

"No. It isn't. I..I can never accept your apologies. I..I can never love you." I stammered.

"Why not? What didn't I apologize for? What can I do for you to forgi-" he started by I cut him off.

"Can you just ignore me? Can you just treat me like your fan girls? Ignore me, Natsume. I'm a nobody." it hurt my chest to say that. The hole in my chest...it's bigger. It feels, big. I feel...really empty.

"You were never one of the nuisance fan girls."

"What makes you think so? Just because I didn't drool over you, that doesn't mean that I was never part of them. You're just a crush, Natsume. Someone that I found amazing and manly. Not love!" I lied.

"You're lying." he said shortly.

"What makes you think I'm lying?"

"I can see it through your eyes. You're not the type to claim guys," he pointed out.

"Well, I am. I know who I am much more than you know who am I. Please Natsume. If you really love me, ignore me. Ignore the heck of me like what you tell your fan girls to." I held back my traitor tears urging to spill.

"Is that what you really want?" he asked me.

"It's for both of our own good." I told him. I took his hand into mine and said softly to him. "Forget me, please, Natsume. Forget me. Forget that you ever loved me. Forget whatever we did together. Up till the time you left for America. Forget everything that happened before the time you returned. Forget everything. Forget Mikan Sakura, please." I pleaded. It hurt so much.

"If...if that's what you really want, then." he said.

I let go of his hand. Of his warm hand. That was probably the last time I could feel his warmth. We will..we will never be together again.

He turned back and started walking to the classroom.

A tear fell across my cheeks. I couldn't hold them back anymore. I use my fingers to wipe any trace of tears and ran to the bathroom to wash my face. "Why am I so stupid? Why are you so stupid, Mikan?" I said to myself and laughed myself for my stupidity. "Because you were born stupid. Because you fell in love like a stupid idiot. Because you didn't know the true meaning of love, stupid." I said to myself again. My tears couldn't stop streaming down. I washed my face over and over again. My eyes were red. I went into my classroom and I was...definitely late. I heard Mr Jinno shouting at me, but I didn't hear well. I made sure I looked at the ground so nobody would see my red eyes. By the end of Maths, my eyes were okay again. I had to be new. I had to be fresh.

END CHAPTER

Sneak Peek on Chapter 6:

"Who are y-" I asked but was shut off by someone's hand over my mouth. I was knocked unconcious.

"HELPPPPPPP!!!" I yelled. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. They were touching me. They roughly pulled my shirt, causing the buttons of my T-shirt to be strewn all over the floor and another hand was stroking my legs. I was being raped I noticed.

"Natsume!" I said and hugged him. Clinging to him for dear life. From that time since, I couldn't be without him. I can never be without him. I'll never be whole without him.


	7. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

Sorry, but this isn't a chapter. :(

Really sorry for only saying this now but better late than never, right? Anyway, I am really sorry to say that I have to go on Hiatus for a month or less. I have to concentrate on my 50,000 words (nanowrimo) competition within this month. But I could promise all of you one thing which is, if I do have some spare time to continue writing without affecting my nanowrimo, I would try my best to write. I have a one-shot [Angel and The Fallen Angel] dedicated to all my reviewers as a apology. I really hope you all would love it. You can find the story through my profile.

If you're lazy, then here is the link. Just get rid of the unnecessary spaces in between.

h t t p : / / w w w . f a n f i c t i o n . n e t / s / 5 5 0 0 7 2 7 / 1 / A n g e l _ a n d _ T h e _ F a l l e n _ A n g e l

There's another one that I wrote just before going on hiatus. You could read it if you want.

h t t p : / / w w w . f a n f i c t i o n . n e t / s / 5 4 7 1 3 4 1 / 1 / T h e _ L a s t _ M e m o r y

And again, get rid of the unnecessary spaces.

Hope all of you would understand me. :)


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